Metalblog

“A new level of songwriting and thrash riffage. Slightly improved production. Same shitty vocals.”

That’s the way Massachusetts thrash metal band Lich King are advertising their upcoming release Toxic Zombie Onslaught.

Lich King also make the claim “The best thrash metal album in the world by the best thrash metal band in the world.”

Are they really the best thrash metal band in the world?

Who cares. I love this advertisement.

And just to add to the Lich King mystique, we have this bio from the band’s Myspace page:

The saga of Lich King

Once upon a time, Thor and He-Man were fighting. He-Man swung his sword of power and Thor met it with Mjolnir, his mighty hammer. The resulting lightningstorm killed them both, but from the blood and ozone and blackened bits of bone a new band was born. This would be the greatest thrash metal band in history. This is their tale. Then they wrote some songs and stuff, casting their spell upon the altar of steel. Gary Holt took a listen and his ears burst into flame. Billy Milano began weeping as he listened, and he threw himself from a bridge in despair. Jeff Hanneman listened to BUT ONE Lich King song and shook his head, then broke his guitar over one knee. He walked into a Staples and began filling out an application.

Sadly, the fans of Lich King are few, as the music is so ferocious and primal that it boils the brain and sends a potential listener to valhalla with but a few tasty riffs. The lesson to be learned is that listening to Lich King will kill you… so don’t do it.

Again, I love the way Lich King play the ”this is the greatest thrash metal ever, but please don’t listen to us” card.

Is it good advertising? I’m sure the guys with their marketing degrees would sit over their frappuccinos and decide it’s not. But they’re not the people getting told dozens of times every month that an upcoming album is the heaviest, fastest, most innovative album ever in the genre, only to find out that most of them suck.

So for me, it works. I want to check out Toxic Zombie Onslaught. I want to hear the slightly improved production and shitty vocals. I want to decide if it’s the best thrash metal album in the world by the best thrash metal band in the world, even though I know it’s almost certainly not true. 

Lich King’s Toxic Zombie Onslaught is available for pre-order from Stormspell Records with orders shipping on December 1st.

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